Time and Again
by Ember Nickel
Summary: AU, postwar. Things are mostly going well for Tobias, but change happens-like it or not.


For "Theme Morphs" Tobias month on Tumblr. My semi-recent series reread reminded me there were so many "fronts" of the war, and so many foiled Animorphs plans that they really could have just tried again, that I think there are a lot of different ways the Earth war could have resolved itself more quickly. It might not be thematically coherent, but I'd argue that the series was never going to be thematically coherent anyway.

Anyway, I don't have time to do any specific scenario justice right now, but just assume there's been some kind of conclusion, everyone is basically alive and happy, and this is some time afterward.

* * *

"What scares you the most?"

‹What?›

"I mean, what's the worst that can happen? What's the hardest part, for you?"

I have no idea where Rachel comes up with this stuff. I guess her bulletin board, or somewhere. ‹Uh, hold on.›

"Sure. I've got-I'm just trying to help."

‹I mean, I don't miss the actual fighting part. Um. And the different-the different morphs, I won't miss them.›

"Really?"

‹Yeah! I mean, are you trying to make this worse?›

"No, I just want you to be sure, if that's something else you want someone to talk you through."

‹I mean, most people never morph at all. Right? And they deal.›

"Are you asking me or telling me?"

‹_Rachel. _You're not helping.›

"Sorry?"

‹Whatever. No. It's this-body. Me.›

"Yeah, and what, specifically?"

‹The...uh...I mean, I think I can...get used to not having to-hunt my own food. Live in a human bed and everything. I mean, being me, what I was used to and all, I wasn't...having to adjust to be a celebrity, will be hard. But you guys have to deal.›

"Mmhmm. Well, I mean, I can see how that would be harder for some people than others."

‹I don't mean, literally, that you guys can-escape it, with morphing. Like, that's an advantage, right? But I'm fine with it.›

"That's good."

‹I just...I don't know. When I'm actually human, with you guys, with Ax, or...it's not like I'd rather be flying in the _moment_.›

"That sounds good. Are you just saying that, though?"

‹I mean, maybe? Because that's because I know I'll get to, anyway. Before long.›

"Does it feel the same as it did six months ago? A year?"

‹What? It's flying, you know it doesn't change.›

"You haven't felt any more pain than before? Anything sore or slower than usual?"

‹Morphing heals injuries, you know that.›

"That's not what we're talking about, and you know that too. Wear and tear. Aging."

‹I don't think so. I mean, maybe it changes slowly, yeah, but I don't notice it, day to day.›

"Of course you wouldn't."

‹What's that supposed to mean?›

"I mean you're just _settling,_ because you can't convince yourself that you deserve any better."

‹Yeah, and where would we be if I talked myself into just doing what was best for me? Every fight?›

"We _won_, you get a world that's free from slugs trying to infest you. I'd say that's a pretty big step up in terms of things that are good for you."

‹Yeah, but...›

I don't have an answer, and she doesn't press me. Finally, I just pace forward. There's no way to shrug, to roll my eyes, even to sigh.

‹You know what sucks?›

"Yeah, actually," she says, with a smile, "a couple different things."

‹Rachel, c'mon.›

"Listening."

‹If I was some...I dunno, some ex-Con. Controller.›

"We've _got_ to come up with a better name for those people...sorry, go ahead."

‹Okay, if someone asked me, Tobias, 'hey, there's hypothetical ex-Con out there, who happens to be able to benefit from a _nothlit _morph, otherwise his body is just-strange and will give out in a couple years.' I'd be like, 'you idiot, go for it, we fought the war for people like you-don't throw this away. But I'm not...›

"You don't think anybody would fight for you?"

Again I want to sigh. ‹Yeah, but-you know me, you know I'm not that-I'm not some innocent kid, caught up in a war. I'm a predator, this is _me_.›

"And the human Tobias, that wasn't you?"

‹That was...I don't know. A chance. A chance to-be something else for a while. I guess I wasted it.›

"I don't see why that has to be in the past tense. Or would you rather morph Ax? Or a _Frolis_ maneuver of some random people, I'm sure people would stand in the line for the chance for one of the great Animorphs to be a little bit of _them_ in small part."

‹That's gross. No. I-no. This is what I'm doing.›

"Why?"

‹C'mon, Rachel, this is hard enough as it is without you second-guessing me!›

"I-" and her voice catches. "I don't want you to do something you regret. Either way."

‹I want to be free. And right now, I guess that means having time, to go places. Meet people. I don't know what that'll look like, exactly, but-on balance, I guess it's better if I'm alive, for now.›

"That works."

‹No thanks?›

"You were never going to do anything, just for me."

‹Thank you.› For understanding. For saying it so I don't have to.

"I would have fought for you. In war, and in peace."

And there's a whole lot to feel, after all, that it'll be easier to show, once I'm human. Someday soon.


End file.
